Happy Birthday Harry

Taken by Carly from To  Write Their Names in the Sand at Burns Beach in WA

I have four children, three here with me that roar, Alexander, India-Sophia and Clementine-Auriella and one beautiful blonde baby boy Harry who soars (thanks Soph for the saying roars and soars!)-  who was born on his due date April 24th 2008 full term and sadly passed away, we held him in our arms, cuddled him and took lots of pictures, there was nothing the best doctor in Melbourne could do, his heart had stopped.  He was a beautiful blonde haired baby, perfect looking in every way and looked like his sister and brother.

Nothing in the world prepares you for child loss, it’s a soul changing event –  but we raised money for a “Harry Board” a computerised huge board which was placed in his brother’s class in prep at that time. The kids interact with the board, move things around on the board, change words and pictures, it’s basically a massive virtual computer screen – it’s quite amazing and my children all refer to it as the “Harry Board” so do the children at Holy Rosary Primary School. A plaque is next to do it with Harry’s footprints and the name “The Harry Board”.

We have since gone onto to have a beautiful baby girl Clementine, who is our “sunshine after rain” and has brought much joy to our family – but we still miss him dearly, the pain is not raw three years done the track but it sits in a gentle place wrapped around my heart and I wonder what he would look like as a  three year old, I think when he would be going to kindergarten…….Not many people know that when a child dies, SIDS and Kids are the ones that provide integral support to parents with children that have passed away from 0-6 years of age – not just to SIDs.. They were the ones that helped all our family get over the shock, they still ring us to this day and check up on us.

What I found cathartic back then was to write, to talk about it, all grief is different and it’s so normal to be quiet about it or talk about it, whatever people feel like doing it’s so normal, but I felt like doing something for Harry, this quote “the only thing left of mothering I have to do is remembering” – that quote resounded with me – I felt I needed to do something in Harry’s honour- it was so important to me for others to recognise that he was our son, we loved him so so much,  he was our beautiful child and he was so important to us and what I wanted to do was  bring about awareness of much needed funds for SIDS and Kids-   I think back then I was very open about it – perhaps I should of been a bit more “still” about it – but I felt I had to use my Marketing, Pr and Event Skills to good use and show people my utmost love for Harry – I went on TV, wrote countless articles in the newspapers,  my writing got published within a book, went on radio in Harry’s name to spread the awareness that SIDS and Kids  need  funding and more of it .. to basically spread the awareness that when a child dies  that awarenesss is so integral also to bring more funding to research as to why children die unexpectedly and medical diagnosis like ultrasounds are not as futurisitic as people think and can’t detect all the problems that may happen say for instance heart problems.

It’s so important that community get together to support parents, it’s a ripple effect when a child dies, I was so thankful that my friends and all the mums at my son’s school cooked for weeks and looked after us…baking does really help in this situation, it’s also so important that parents don’t feel isolated in this tragic circumstance and also to talk about it..it makes parents feel less isolated and that their grief is normal.

I am so thankful I have my creative outlet in styling to fall back on, I get lost in it, lost meaning its a bit like art, I love the whole process of it and it feeds my soul whether it is designing a dessert buffet table, event or styling a shop or home, or even visual merchandising.  I know that sounds a bit over the top, or perhaps sounds like I want to emulate a famous artist!!! (I promise I am not a diva!) but I love the whole process of seeing something come into fruitition and styling has helped me in alot of ways. Our family is also alot closer these days, we realise what really matters and that is love and support and to cherish those beautiful moments in life, I have also met some incredible women through the process, one that designed this blog for instance, Small Bird Studio she lost her baby Jenna – another Sally – who writes “Tuesday Hope” after her beautiful daughter Hope, Sophie and her beautiful daughter Jordan who appears in alot of the Heartfelt photos and another Carly who takes beautiful photography with writing children names in the sand “To Write Their Names in the Sand”and countless other mothers who have experienced this..those friends are people that have been a beautiful sounding board and I thank them for that and I hope that this post comes across as it intends to..not that I am dwelling on Harry’s loss,but more to the point just saying I love you Harry and happy birthday and you will be forever part of our familyxxx

 —-Harry would be three on the 24th of April, Happy Birthday Harry- love you to the moon and back—-

Necklace given to me from M the other half of the styling team at LBC from Lisa Leonard Designs 

For all the Mothers that I have metxx

12 thoughts on “Happy Birthday Harry

  1. leegirl_87 says:

    just beautiful…. not that i have lost a child myself, but i have watched my cousin grieve for her 3boys for the last 6years…very different circumstances from little harry, but SIDs and KIDS were there, and still are there for her to this day. they do a fantastic job, and i don't think alot of people know that they offer services for all parents who lose young children, not just from SIDS… i definately think there needs to be more publicity and funding for them…they do a fanastic job…
    happy birthday to little harry, and may your family have a wonderful easter… always keep you momories close to your heart ox

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  2. Lilian Oliver says:

    Lou, I just got home from seeing Indy in hospital and talking to two mum's in our room tonight..one has a 6 year old son who is paralised from the neck down and the other has twins like me, and one of the twins bumped his head and got a temp…they found by the act of god that he had a cancerous tumour on his kidney and they will need to operate on monday to get it out. AMAZING mothers, fathers and families live here on earth among us and you are one of them. I will be thinking of your beautiful son..maybe he holds the hand of my brother who passed away at the age of 28..maybe we will meet them again someday and they will tell us why they were taken so young. Love to you and your family xxxooo

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  3. Our Little Soiree says:

    You are a remarkeable woman, my heart goes out to you and your family. I can only imagine as a mother what life is like when one of your babies is taken to heaven. I think the awareness you raise for SIDS and KIDS is truly wonderful. Your post is very beautiful. Happy Birthday Harry xx

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  4. Sophie says:

    So thankful to have had your friendship and support through the devastating losses of our beautiful babes. Happy birthday Harry. Much love to you all. xxxxxxx

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  5. Memories Of Mine says:

    I can not begin to image the grief that goes along with losing a child. You post made me cry not just tears of sadness for you loss and loss others have experience but also for the grecefulness you possess. It is clear that Harry is loved just as much in heaven as he would be here on earth. I wish Little Harry a Happy Birthday.

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  6. I Love Events says:

    What a beautiful post in honour of gorgeous little Harry's 3rd Angelversary… The words by Elizabeth Ros are so true, and you my dear Lou are the most beautiful, strongest women I know! Your work for Sids and Kids is so important to so many families and I thank God for people like you who aren't afraid to put a face to something that is so real, and at anytime can affect anyone. Much love to you and your family at this special time xxx

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  7. Leoni says:

    What a beautiful post Lou, it brought tears to my eyes. A very close friend of mine lost her 8 week old daughter to SIDS 4 years ago and I watched the devastation and toll it took upon her family. SIDS and KIDS is also close to her heart, thank you for being so open and sharing your experience with us all. Happy Heavenly birthday Harry xx

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  8. Mrs A in the Cove says:

    Sending you love and hugs Louisa on Harry's 3rd Birthday – nothing does prepare you for the loss but as human beings we have the incredible strength to survive and go on to create cherished and happy memories after such darkness. Much love to your beautiful family xx Leanne xx

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  9. Jane (and Lou) says:

    What a touching, honest, heart wrenching post. I just went to a funeral and learnt that, in loss, our grief is so great because our love is so great. Although the pain never goes, it also means that the love will always be there too. Blessings to you, Jane:)

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